Forbidden to Remember, Terrified to Forget
by TeammJake
Summary: Edward made a mistake. He left in New Moon. He left Bella all alone, broken and hurting. What if Bella never went to Jacob's? What if Edward just decided to come back? Story about Edward coming back in New Moon. R
1. Decision

**This story takes place in New Moon. What if Bella never went to Jacob's what if Edward just decided to come back? **

**Ya, just an idea I had, and I was bored so I decided to post a story. Also, this story has A lot of little paragraphs from New moon, because it's supposed to be in New moon, so some of the quotes and paragraphs are not mine.  
**

**Okay, I really don't know if this is any good at all, so Please Please review, tell me what you think, and if I should continue.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own these characters. I also don't own some of the quotes and stuff, stephenie meyer does.**

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**Chapter 1: Decision**

**Bella's POV**

The sharp, ragged edges of the hole in my chest were already throbbing, so I decided to cheat.

I rarely ever thought of him. I tried not to. Any memories I had of him ripped open my chest, and left me gasping for air. It was a crippling thing, this sensation that a huge hole had been punched through my chest, excising my most vital organs and leaving ragged, unhealed gashes around the edges, that continued to throb and bleed, despite the passage of time. Rationally, I knew my lungs must still be intact, yet I gasped for air, and my head spun, like my efforts yielded me nothing. My heart must have been beating, too, but I couldn't hear the sound of my pulse in my ears; my hands felt blue with cold. I curled inward, hugging my ribs to hold myself together.

_It will be as if I never existed._

They were just words, like print on a page. They lacked the perfect clarity of my hallucinations, but the edges of the hole seared, like it I was being dragged across a serrated edge. I gasped, trying to breath without lungs. I wondered silently how long this could last.

I pressed my face against the pillow. What was the point of trying not to think of him? The huge hole was already hurting. . .

Thinking of that, I played the hallucination I had today over and over in my head. The tears streamed relentlessly down my face, as I closed my eyes, and waited for the nightmare to begin.

The familiar scene played itself in my head. I wandered through the never-ending forest. Like always, there was nothing. Only nothing. Just the endless maze of moss-covered trees, so quiet that the silence was an uncomfortable pressure against my eardrums. It was dark, like dusk on a cloudy day, with only enough light to see that there was nothing to see. I hurried through the gloom without a path, always searching, searching, searching, getting more frantic as the time stretched on, trying to move faster, though the speed made me clumsy. . . Then, I stopped. Realization hit me as hard as ever. I couldn't remember what I was searching for. There was nothing to search for, and nothing to find. There had never been anything more than just this empty, dreary, wood, and there never would be anything more for me. . . nothing. . . I would never find anything, there was nothing more. . . ever.

I woke up screaming at the top of my lungs.

I hugged my chest, and waited to stop screaming. The door didn't open, Charlie didn't come check on me anymore. Tears flowed down my cheeks. I huddled over in my bed, holding myself together.

I didn't know how long I could survive this. The hole in my chest was worse than ever. I'd thought I had been healing, slowly but surely, over time, but I found myself hunched over, day after day, clutching my sides together and gasping for air.

I wasn't handling alone well.

I also knew I hadn't been fooling Charlie. After Renee had come to take me back to Jacksonville, It was like I had woken up. I had realized I needed to go on with my life, pointless and meaningless as it was.

Since then, I had been trying to convince Charlie I was getting better. I got up every day, went to school, I had perfect grades. I came home, did my homework and made dinner. I only answered a direct question, and I never went out, unless I had too. I was trying as hard as I could, but I knew I wasn't fooling anyone.

I could tell Charlie was worried. Watching me jump at any loud sound, or my face suddenly go white for no reason he could see. He could hear me screaming every night. I couldn't control it, hard as I was trying.

I waited for the hole to stop throbbing, and opened my eyes. The light was coming in from the window, so I slowly dragged myself out of bed to get dressed. I dressed in a daze, wishing silently the numbness could come back.

The very instant I had heard his voice, in my first hallucination, everything was very clear. Like my head had suddenly surfaced out of some dark pool. Everything had gotten sharper. Suddenly, I heard more, and saw everything clearer. I felt emotions. It was like I had been brought back down to earth, and everything was all new to me. I continued to wait for the numbness to find me. It never did.

I finished getting dressed and walked into the bathroom. I flinched when I saw the reflection in the mirror. My face was thin and sallow, pale white except for the dark purple shadows under my eyes from the nightmares. My eyes were dark, they didn't shine, just black against my pallid skin.

I quickly looked away. I brushed through my hair, and hurried down the stairs in my rush to leave. I could only handle so much.

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**Edward's POV  
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My forehead pressed against my knees, and I wondered silently how long I could survive this.

Since I left Bella, everything has been meaningless. My very existence is meaningless. The whole world was meaningless.

I wondered if I should just go back. The idea was so _healing; _like the words contained a strong anesthetic, washing away the mountain of pain I was buried under. The thought made me gasp, made me dizzy.

Every time I closed my eyes, I saw Bella's perfect, smiling face. Every time, the image of her, wretched my heart out of my chest. I couldn't stand being away from her. The only thing I could ever want is to be with her, to hold her in my arms while she drifted to sleep. To tell her I love her, more than anything else. To see her blush, to see her smile. To hear her perfect, beautiful laugh.

I reminded myself again why I left. To keep her safe. If anything ever happened to her, it would be as if the universe had stopped. As if time had ended. I had to stay away from her, no matter how much pain I had to suffer through. What was my pain, after all, compared to her happiness?

But if I could only see her again. The idea of returning to the cloudy little town that would always be my true home snaked through my mind again.

Just to see her. To check. Check that she's safe and happy. Not to interfere. She would never know I was there. . .

No.

No. No. No.

I'd made a promise. Bella deserved a life. I'd made a promise. Bella deserved a life.

I repeated the words like a mantra, trying to clear my head of the image of Bella's dark window. The doorway to my only sanctuary.

I pinched the bridge of my nose with my fingertips. No. I can't go back. Bella deserved better than me. I couldn't give her what she needed. She needed someone to be human with her. No. I can't go back.

But if I could just see her happy, I could leave again. No!

"Argh!" I growled, under my breath.

This was unbearable. The pain of being away from Bella was tearing me apart. My hands clenched automatically, as I fought the urge to tear the entire building around me down.

I closed my eyes, and saw Bella's smiling face. The image ripped my heart apart, but I didn't open my eyes. This was the reason I left. She _should_ be able to smile, to be freed from the fear my world had mixed with hers. She should be happy. My hands shook slightly with the thought of not seeing her again.

I couldn't survive this. I knew I would end up going back, just to check. The thought made me shake more, the dizziness coming back. If I was going to go back, why not now? The longing to see Bella again overwhelmed me. I have to go back.

This is tearing me apart. I have to go back.

Slowly I sat up straight, and opened my eyes.

I have to go back. Just to check.

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**So, what did you think? I probably won't post more until I know it's worth it, cuz i really don't know if it's any good**

**Please please review, tell me what you think, and if i should keep going. **


	2. Just to Check

**Okay, so I decided to post another chapter, it's really short, but the whole story can't be too long, or else I would just rewrite the end of New Moon.**

**Btw, in this chapter the two POV's are at about the same time.**

**So, PLEASE PLEASE review, I really want to know if you like it so far.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own these characters. Blah blah**

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**Chapter 2: Just to Check**

**Edward's POV**

I pushed my legs harder, darting through a break in the trees. I slowed slightly, seeing the soft light up ahead. The gentle breeze blew my hair back, as I made my way toward it.

Carefully, I pushed the branches aside, and stepped out of the dark forest. I froze.

Bella's house. Her dark, second story window was open slightly, and I could hear her soft, even heartbeat as she slept. Abruptly, The cool breeze blew across her window, toward me.

Her scent hit me as hard as it did the very first time. The feeling was so powerful, it almost knocked me to my knees. My eyes narrowed, and my hands balled into fists. I took a deep breath and shook my head slightly.

I was near Bella again. The thought ripped my heart apart, knowing I would have to leave again. She was better off without me. She can't know I'm here.

She can't know I'm here. The words tore through me, making my hands shake. I shook the thought.

Silently, I darted up the side of the house, and slipped through her open window. Bella was there, sleeping quietly, her back facing me. The urge to go near her, to get on my knees and beg for her to forgive me, and if she did, to hold her close and tell her how much I love her. To tell her I am sorry, and I won't leave again.

The words made me feel dizzy. I _would_ have to leave again. I can't stay. I loved her so absolutely, so strongly, I would go through the pain of the last six months, a thousand times to keep her safe.

The sound of her soft heartbeat picked up softly. She mumbled something, and rolled over so I was facing her.

I tensed. Her face was so absolutely, strikingly beautiful, but it didn't look the same. She was extremely thin, and her face was pale white. Underneath her eyes were dark shadows, and tears were rolling down her face, though she was asleep. She rolled over again, and her steady heartbeat began to pick up. She mumbled something unintelligible, and her soft heartbeat continued to race. She started waking up.

Quickly, I slipped out of her window, landing near the tree in the front yard. I waited, listening to her heartbeat fly. In her room, I heard her wake up, screaming at the top of her lungs. The sound made my hands clench slightly, and start to shake. Her screams abruptly stopped, and she started sobbing uncontrollably.

I ran through the trees, trying to get away from the sound. Her crying began to get softer and I slowed my pace. I stopped, and leaned against a tree, closing my eyes.

What have I done? The sound of Bella crying tore me apart, I started shaking, and I felt dizzy. I slid down the tree, sitting on the wet ground, and pressed my head against my knees.

I came back, to see that Bella was happy and okay, so I could leave again. But she wasn't happy and okay. How could I do that to her?

What am I going to do?

**Bella's POV**

I had just drifted off to sleep, waiting for the nightmare to start. I was abruptly surrounded by the horrible nothingness, in the dark forest.

I let the nightmare play itself in my head, and woke up screaming, as always. Outside my window, I heard a small _Thud!_, the sound of something landing on the ground. The sound ripped the hole in my chest wide open, reminding me of when he used to leave my room from my window every morning. I wrapped my arms securely around my chest, and waiting for the throbbing to stop.

The screaming stopped, and I started sobbing uncontrollably. How long could I survive this? It was tearing me apart.

I let the tears course down my face, and waited to stop crying. When I did, I rolled over, and let myself fall asleep again.

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**Okay, short chapter, but I actually kind of like it. I want to know if YOU like it, so please review, tell me what you think!  
**


	3. Alone

**Okay, so I got this chapter up, once again, I don't know if it's any good, so please Review! **

**Diclaimer: I don't own these character's BLAH BLAH**

**I _am_ going to keep going i have decided, So there will be like 3 or 4 more chapters, and I will try to hurry. **

**Hope you like it!**

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**Chapter 3: Alone**

**Edward's POV**

My phone vibrated softly in my pocket. I lifted my head up slowly, and looked around.

I was still in the same place I had been last night after I saw Bella. I hadn't been able to move last night. She had woken up screaming again, and the sound had ripped through me, knocking me to my knees.

I wasn't sure what to do.

A soft breeze blew through the trees, and I looked towards it. Light was coming in through a break in the trees, and I could tell it was getting dark again.

The phone buzzed again, so I took it out of my pocket and slid it across the ground. It landed at the foot of a tree. Slowly, I pressed my forehead against my knees again. The buzzing stopped.

Having just thought about it, the sound of Bella screaming rang in my ears again. My hands clenched, and I squeezed my eyes shut. The sound made the same questions that had been swirling around in my head, pop up again.

What have I done?

What was I going to do?

I hated myself. How could I do that to her? Leaving her was the worst thing I had ever done, and now I didn't know what to do. I could never make this right. I could never fix this.

Near the tree, the phone buzzed again. Annoyed, I looked up, towards the small silver cell phone. I recognized the number on the screen as Carlisle's, so I reached over to pick it up.

I looked at the screen again, and sighed, flipping it open.

"Carlisle." I said, my voice sounding low and rough.

"Edward? Are you okay?" Carlisle said, sounding anxious.

Was I okay? No. Not at all. I felt as though my heart had been torn apart, ripped from the center.

"Why?" I asked. My voice didn't sound curious. It sounded dead.

"Alice had a vision. Where are you?"

"Forks." I said, my voice breaking. The voice on the other line was silent. "I came back. I had to check on Bella. I know I promised, but it was killing me. It was tearing me apart. I had to come." I said, my voice still low and rough.

Carlisle was still silent, so I continued. "Bella doesn't know I am here. I went to her house last night and. . ." I stopped, feeling as though there was a lump in my throat, like I was choking. I took a deep breath, and continued. "She was sleeping. I waited, until her heartbeat began to pick up. I left, and when I was outside, She woke up, screaming at the top of her lungs. When she stopped screaming, she started sobbing. She is hurt, Carlisle. It's killing her."

Neither of us spoke for several minutes.

"Edward," Carlisle said, but the line went dead. I realized I had shut the power off. The phone fell from my hand. I didn't want to talk to him. I leaned my head back, resting it against the tree.

My heart hadn't beat in over ninety years, but this was different. It was as though my heart was gone. Like it had been cut out of my chest, and the hole it had left seared with pain, throbbing, radiating through me. I closed my eyes again.

Miles away, I heard Bella's truck pull up in to her driveway. I froze, my muscles locking into place.

**Bella's POV:**

I pushed the pedal for the brake down softly, pulling up into Charlie's driveway. I closed my eyes, and leaned back in my seat.

The stupid hole had been bothering me all day, and it started to throb again. I hugged my chest, and leaned forward, resting my forehead on the steering wheel. My head spun, and I gasped for air.

When the pain had subsided enough for me to move, I jumped out of the truck, running inside.

I got to my room, and my bag fell from my shoulder. I climbed into bed, sitting up, and leaning my head back, against the headboard. The pain flared up again, so I curled over, letting it consume me.

I'm not sure how long I sat like that, waiting for the hole to stop hurting. My eyes were closed, and as the pieces clicked together in my mind, I realized I was falling asleep. I opened my eyes quickly, not wanting to have the horrible nightmare.

I looked around, and my eyes zeroed on the mess on the floor. My bag had opened, and paper was scattered across the floor. Sighing, I wrapped one arm around my chest, and climbed out of bed. I kneeled down and gathered up the papers. When I was finished, I noticed a corner of white, sticking out of the bottom of my closet door. I opened the door, and picked up the sheet of paper. I straightened up, resting on my knees. My eyes wandered aimlessly, and I froze.

The black garbage bag was still sitting there. The sight cut off my breath, making my head spin. I could see the strain against the plastic, of an oddly shaped black box, with wires curling away from it. The radio from my truck. I remember the bloody mess my nails had been, when I'd finished clawing it out of the dashboard.

The memory shredded through me, ripping through the raw edges of the hole. The paper fell from my hand, and my arms closed tightly around my chest. I leaned forward, my head touching my knees. My head spun, making me dizzy, while I gasped for air. Tears ran down my face, and I started sobbing.

I waited, unmoving, until I could breath again. I sat up, and looked out the window. Charlie's cruiser pulled up in the driveway, so I stood up slowly, to go downstairs.

That night, after Charlie was asleep, I headed to my room, dragging my feet. I pulled out my hair, and slid into bed.

The cool breeze blew in through my window, making me shiver. I hadn't closed the window. I hadn't slept with the window closed since. . . I stopped. The hole seared, ripping wide open, as I gasped and hugged my chest. I curled over, as tears coursed down my face.

Realization flooded through me. Subconsciously, I hadn't closed it, because some part of my mind, buried deep, I had been wishing he would come back. He was never coming back. I was alone.

Alone.

The word made me gasp, and I starting sobbing. I pulled the covers up, closing my eyes. I shivered slightly, but not because it was cold.

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**Okay, so I wanna know what you think, please please review.**

**Btw: This WILL get better, its not like this the whole story. Actually it's gonna get a lot better. Soon. SO keep reading when I post more, and please please review.**


	4. Edward

**okay I am so sorry I haven't updated. I haven't been on in forever, and when I did, I starting writing another chapter. after I finished writing it, I found this on my computer. Hmm. so I put it on, and I have the chapter I just wrote too so yay!**

**Okay, story's almost over :( but I hope you like this chapter. Please Please Review!!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own these characters, just the story. the story is mine! haha!**

**anyway, enjoy.**

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**Chapter 4: Edward**

**Edward's POV**

For what felt like the millionth time in the past three days, I leaned my head back, and closed my eyes.

I was raining slightly, the canopy of trees above me kept most of the rain out, but mist sprayed through the leaves. Drops of water slid down my face slowly. I couldn't feel it. I was numb.

I took a deep breath, and listened through the trees. I could hear the soft sound of cars on the road, and closer to me, the sound of Bella's heartbeat as she slept. It was the most significant in the world to me. I listened closer, to the sound of her even breathing. My breath caught.

I can't live without her. The urge to stay, to stay with Bella, nearly overwhelmed me. I could stay, I could go to Bella, fall to my knees and beg her to forgive me. Tell her how much I love her, that it could not compare to anything else.

I can't leave again. Not only would it nearly kill me, but I couldn't do that to Bella. I hated myself for leaving her, and there is nothing I can ever do to make that right.

Through the trees, I heard Bella's heartbeat begin to race. She was waking up. Like every day I had been here, she woke up screaming, and the sound tore through me. I felt dizzy, and my hands balled into fists. My head spun, the sound ringing in my ears. I leaned forward and closed my eyes.

She stopped screaming, and her breathing became more ragged. Pain tore through me. I did this to her. It's my fault. I hated myself.

I snapped.

I jumped up, and the tree I had been leaning against snapped cleanly in half. I took me a minute to realize I had done it. I snarled. My eyes narrowed and my nostrils flared. I ripped another tree from the roots and threw it. It smashed into the ground, knocking another tree over.

No. Stop. This is stupid, I told myself.

I took a deep breath. I closed my eyes and concentrated on unclenching my fingers.

"Edward." I heard Bella say softly. My muscles locked into place, and my breath caught in my throat. She started sobbing uncontrollably. I couldn't see the forest. Everything went red.

I did this to her. I have to fix this.

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**Okay, so did you like it? Tell me! haha!  
**


	5. Bella

**Okay this chapter is short, but I LOVE this chapter. i totally thought of this before writing any of the rest of the story so this didn't take long to write. **

**I love this chapter, but I don't know if You do, so please review. **

**Disclaimer: Yawn. Don't own any of this. Yawn. you get it.**

**Enjoy!**

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I glanced outside, seeing the sheets of rain coming down against the parking lot. Above me, it pounded against the top of the school. Signing, I lifted up my hood and opened the door.

I nearly ran to the truck, opening the door and climbing in. I pulled my hood back, and turned the ignition. The engine roared to life, making me jump. I turned up the heat and leaned back against the seat, closing my eyes.

I sat like that for several minutes, because when I opened my eyes, the parking lot was almost empty. Slowly, I pulled out of the parking lot and headed down the long street towards Charlie's house. I stared out the window, watching the trees surrounding the road disappear behind me.

I turned the corner and pulled up into Charlie's driveway, pulling the key out of the ignition. I leaned over to grab my bag, pulling it onto my lap. I pulled my hood up, and jumped out of the car, and headed to the front door.

I unlocked the door and stepped into the front room. Mechanically, I hung up the key, and took off my jacket, laying it across my arm.

I made my way to the kitchen, putting my bag and jacket on the table. The house was quiet, like it always was when I got home, but this was different. It was almost eerie, the only sound was the rain thudding against the roof. I listened harder, but it was silent.

I shook my head and turned back to my bag. I needed something to distract me. I pulled out my Calculus book and a notepad. I grabbed an apple from the fridge and walked slowly upstairs.

I gently turned the knob on my door, and pushed it open.

I froze, every muscle in my body locking into place. The books fell from my arms, glancing off the wooden floor. The apple rolled across the floor slowly.

My breath caught in my throat, making my head spin. The room tilted.

Standing in my room was the last person I ever thought I would see. Motionless, his eyes cold and black, he stood there, staring at me. His face was so beautiful, it shattered my heart.

I couldn't move. I couldn't breath.

"Bella." he whispered, his voice beautiful and soft and velvet.

It was too much. My knees gave out, and everything went black.

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**hahaha! Is it good?? Review and tell me!**


	6. Reunion

**AHH The long awaited chapter is finally here! yay! But it isn't as good as I wanted it to be sadly. I imagined it so good in my head an then I type it and im like, "ugh" haha, I wonder, does that happen to you? So anyway hope you like it, please tell me if you do, (or if you don't..)**

**Disclaimer: Dont own anything, yadda yadda yawn**

**BTW: This is dumb, but this chapter is WAY better if you read it slow, i dont know why, it just is.**

**The whole chapter is in Bella's POV, sorry, I MIGHT write the same chapter in Edward's POV, but thats a big might.**

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**Chapter 6: Reunion**

**Bella's POV**

No. No. No. This _can't_ be happening. _What_ was happening? No. No. All the thoughts swirling around in my head didn't make any sense. No! My head hurt, and I couldn't think straight. My stomach was in knots. Ugh.

Slowly, my eyelids fluttered open.

Edward's breathtaking face was just inches from mine. His eyes were flat black, surrounded by a fringe of black lashes. I couldn't think straight. I couldn't think at all. I don't know how long we stared at each other, It could have been seconds, or hours. I couldn't move. I couldn't breath.

Abruptly, and unwillingly, I started sobbing. Nothing was making sense. He pulled me up and sat me on the bed. I leaned forward into his chest, and tried to inhale as much of his scent as I could.

"Shhh, Bella it's okay. I'm here. Shhh." His perfect, soft voice whispered, his cold, marble lips at my ear. I sobbed harder. I felt his lips press softly against my hair. We sat like that for several minutes.

I stopped crying eventually, and pulled away from him. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him slide away slightly. I wiped underneath my eyes, and turned to look at him.

His face was so beautiful, it hurt to look at him. Neither of us said anything. I still couldn't think directly. He was here, he was actually here, was the only distinguishable thought registered in my head.

"Bella." He said. His voice was strained, and I could sense the pain underneath the word. I didn't understand. I would've thought hearing his voice, his real voice, not a hallucination, would've ripped right through the whole, leaving me hunched over, gasping for air. But I couldn't feel anything. I waited.

"Bella, I owe you an apology. No, I owe you much more than that. Bella, I can't begin to tell you how sorry I am for what I did to you. I will regret it more than anything else for the rest of my existence. I am so sorry, I just-" I put my finger to his lips. I couldn't stand listening to that.

"Please. Please, don't." He looked confused, but I just looked down, folding my hands in my lap.

"Bella, you have to know why, why I did what I did to you." He said, his voice breaking at the end. I looked back up at him. His cold dark eyes were full of pain. It hurt to look at that. "I didn't want to leave. I argued with myself for so long. Bella, I had to. I couldn't stand it. I couldn't stand _me _being the reason you almost being killed or hurt. I was trying to protect you. You shouldn't have to fear all the time because of _me_."

I didn't understand. Why would it matter to him if I kept almost getting killed? I looked down. That thought alone hurt more than anything. It struck home. How he didn't. . . love me. Mechanically, I wrapped one arm around my chest, but I knew it wasn't the hole that was my problem now.

I didn't want to talk about this. I didn't want him to come here, say sorry, know I am not dead, and leave again, leave me hurt again, worse than before. Why was he doing this? "Why?" I said icily, but when I looked up, his black eyes smoldered, and all my anger faded.

"Why what?"

"Why does it matter?" I said, my voice breaking. A single tear rolled down my cheek.

"Why does it matter?" He said, his voice abruptly furious. He pulled my chin up so I was looking at him, he was now bent down in front of the bed, his face inches away. "Bella, of course it matters. Why wouldn't it matter if you _died_?"

"No, why does it matter to _you_?" I said, turning away from him. He pulled his hand back.

"Bella, I don't know what you mean."

"Why do you care?" I said, tears falling down my face. "You. . ." I said, sobbing. "Don't love me."

"Bella." He said, sitting back on the bed. "Of course I love you. Bella, how could you think that?" He said, angry.

"In the forest, you said. ."

"Bella, I the forest, I didn't mean any of that. Bella, I had to. You never would have let me go. Bella I had to make you believe the most ridiculous, absurd concept, that I didn't love you. Bella, I never stopped loving you and I will never stop loving you. Every second you were gone, I couldn't stop thinking about you. Your face was always there, in my mind, and it tore me apart, knowing you were here, thinking that I didn't love you. Bella, I love you." He said in a rush.

I could barely talk, there was a lump in my throat, it felt like I was choking. "No." I said, shaking my head. I couldn't let myself believe he loved me, he was going to leave again and it would just hurt that much more.

"Bella, how could you think that I didn't love you? You still don't believe me, do you?" He said, frustrated. "Bella, how come after all the times I have said how much I love you, how could one word break your trust in me? Bella, I love you, I have always loved you, I will always love you, and I am sorry." I wanted so badly to believe the words, but I couldn't let myself. When he leaves again, it would kill me if I hoped anymore than I already had.

When I looked back at him, his face was an inch away. "Bella, I am sorry." I couldn't think. He leaned in slowly, but I turned away. I saw him look down.

"It's already too late." He murmured, and I wanted to look at him, but I refused to let myself. "Isn't it?" He said, looking back up.

"When you leave again. . ." I murmured, "It will only hurt that much more." Unwillingly, I looked back at him.

His eyes were confused. "Bella, I'm not leaving again. Didn't you hear what I said? I _can't_ leave again. Do you . . want me to leave?" The thought alone made me feel cold, and my chest started to hurt, but it wasn't the familiar pain of the hole. I hugged my chest.

"Bella, I know I have no right to ask this, but after everything I have put you through, after everything I have done, everything I have said, do you still love me?"

"What kind of stupid question is that?"

"Bella, please."

"Of course I still love you. I never stopped loving you. And there is nothing you can do about it." I said.

"That's all I needed to know." He said, and leaned in and pressed his lips against mine. I couldn't protest. Not because he was a thousand times stronger than me, but because my will crumbled to dust the second our lips met. In that very moment, I finally felt _whole_. Not as if the hole in my chest had been healed, but as though there never was any hole, Like there never had been a hole in the first place. The last seven months meant nothing. Edward was here, and he loved me. For the first time in seven months, I was finally _happy_.

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**Not bad, Not good, in my opinion. But i wanna know what you think, so review me. Sorry this chapter is kinda confusing (read it slow) and it has stuff from the real book.**

**Hope you liked it!**

**_mRs-__cuLLeNxxx_**


	7. Surprise

**Ahh okay so you know how I said i might do it in Edward's POV, ya, i did! yay. Anyway this is chapter 5 in Edward's POV, and If I really feel like it, (i probably will) I will write the last chapter in Edward's. Okay, I will. I just don't know when.**

**So ya, really fun. Anyway, thanks for reading the story, please continue reviewing to those who have, to those who haven't, please review. **

**THis story WAS completed, it will go back to being completed, just until I put the Edwards pov of last chapter, then I am DONE.**

**Disclaimer: nothing is mine.**

**THIS IS THE 5th CHAPTER, PPLE.**

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**Surprise.**

**Edward's POV**

I closed my eyes, and listened, harder than I ever had before. I was impatient. Miles away, I heard the sound of Bella's truck, idling at top volume. I listened over the thousands of sounds between Bella and me. The cars moving across the slick, black roads, the soft hum of the engines, the crack of the wheels moving over small rocks littered across the road. The patter of rain against the roof, each raindrop hitting leaves, grass, and concrete, each snapping softly. Then, the murmur of Bella's truck, getting louder as it moved slowly toward Charlie's house.

The sound of the truck became a roar as Bella pulled up into the driveway. I held my breath. I heard the gentle splash of her footsteps, stopping when she reached the door. She fumbled with the key, jamming it into the lock and turning it, in her rush to get out of the rain. She stepped inside, and I heard the soft 'clink!' of the metal key being hung up. She made her way into the kitchen, I could hear her set down her bag and jacket. She stopped, the only thing I could hear was her soft breathing, and the sound of her even heartbeat.

She took a deep breath, then picked up something, I couldn't tell what, I could only hear the soft ruffle of pages. I heard an apple being picked up gently, and her hard footsteps, taking the stairs. I couldn't breath.

Slowly, the metal doorknob turned, with a small 'click!' and the door swung open.

Bella stood there, staring at me. Her books fell from her hands, and the apple rolled across the wood, as if slow motion. I couldn't look away from her face.

It was if time had stopped. The world had stopped spinning. Things were moving so fast through my mind, the rest of the world became unbearably slow. I couldn't tell how long we stood there, staring at each other.

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, I was able to think, to move. Without thinking, I breathed, "Bella."

As soon, as I murmured the one word, it was as if things had completely reversed. Suddenly, everything kicked into overdrive. Things sped up. Bella's breathing became more ragged, and her soft heartbeat stopped for half a second, then started again, twice the speed. So fast I couldn't even blink, Bella collapsed.

My breath caught in my throat, and I made ran toward her, kneeling down. Things were still in overdrive, still reversed, so now everything swirling around in my head slowed down in comparison to the rest of the world. I was able to think of several things at once.

In the back of my mind, the struggle of ignoring the venom that pooled in my mouth, the ever constant flames licking the sides of my throat. More dominate than that, was Bella. Bella was the only thing in my head that made sense, the thing that was right about everything that was happening. I could barely move, I was so worried about her, why wasn't she waking up? The thought alone made me angry, why hadn't I thought of that first? The thought brought perspective into my mind, why _wasn't_ she waking up? I could hear her soft heartbeat, still going twice the speed of normal, even though she was unconscious.

Then after so long, _too_ long, she started waking up. I breathed a sigh of relief, which only lasted seconds. What would she do when she woke up? What would she say? Will she be mad? What was _I_ going to say? How was I going to do this? Would she. . . I stopped. Would she . . . forgive me? I thought, pain ripping through me.

_Would_ she forgive me?

Then, it seemed if the whole world had slowed down. Again. I don't think I can take much more of this.

Slowly Bella's eyes started to open. My throat tightened. I couldn't move. Bella's eyes opened, and her breath cut off, and her heartbeat sped up, the sound pounding against my ears.

The only thought in my head. The only thing I could think of. The only thing that made sense.

Bella.

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**Okay, haha some of this doesn't make sense because Edward is so worried and confused and. . well, Edward. So his mind in this chapter is like, whoa, dizzy.**

**so, ya This chapter was going to be way longer, it was going to just the last chapter, but then I changed my mind and decided to do both, THEN i decided to split them up.**

**I love this chapter, but I want to know if you do, so review, tell me what you think.**

**NEXT CHAPTER: Edward's POV in the last chapter, YAY. Thanks for reading**

_**mRs-cuLLeNxxx**_


	8. Reunion: Edward's POV

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**YAY the last chapter is up! This chapter took awhile, sorry i have not been in a writing mood lately. so anyway this is the chapter where Edward comes back in . . Edward's POV! so I would love it if i got reviews. . . **

**I love this chapter, its kinda confusing though, sorry.**

**disclaimer: don't own characters. I don't even own the chapter, its a different point of view! humph.**

**Enjoy!**

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**Edward's POV**

I was afraid to look away. I was afraid to look away from those eyes. Those beautiful, depthless, chocolate brown eyes. I was afraid if I looked away, they would disappear. I've lived without those eyes for long enough, longer than I ever had thought possible.

I didn't move. I stayed perfectly still, waiting for her to do something. Anything. I was still not thinking straight, I felt almost dizzy from seeing her again.

She blinked, breaking me out of my trance. Abruptly, she started sobbing. Startled by the sudden change in atmosphere, I pulled her up onto the bed, and let her cry into my shirt. I wrapped my arms around her, and pulled her into my chest, pressing my face into her hair. I closed my eyes.

"Shhh Bella, It's okay. I'm here." I whispered softly. "Shhh." I kissed the top of her head. For I don't know how long, I just watched her, memorizing everything about her, as if I didn't already know perfectly. The way her wet eyelashes brushed against her soft skin, the feeling of her warm skin, the way her hair shone red in the dim light on the ceiling. I rubbed small circles into her arm. I listened to the sound of her heart, matching my breathing to the even beats. It was the most significant sound in the world to me.

Soon, _too_ soon, She pulled back. Unwillingly, I dropped my arms, and she slid away. I pulled back, so there was half of a foot in between us. She wiped her hand underneath her eyes, and turned to face me.

I took a deep breath. "Bella." I said. I felt as if there was a lump in my throat, like I was choking. I stopped. I took another deep breath and started again.

"Bella, I owe you an apology. No, I owe you much more than that. Bella, I can't _begin_ to tell you how sorry I am, for what I did to you. I will regret it more than anything else for the rest of my existence." I couldn't come up with the right words to explain what I was thinking. "I am so sorry. I just-" She stopped me, pressing her finger to my lips. She pulled her hand away quickly, then slowly put it down.

"Please. Please, don't." I didn't understand what she meant. She looked down, twisting her hands together in her lap.

"Bella, you have to know why, _why _I did that to you." I said. She looked back up at me. "I didn't want to leave. I argued with myself for so long. Bella, I had to. I couldn't stand _me_ being the reason you kept almost getting hurt or killed. I was trying to protect you. You shouldn't have to fear all the time because of _me._"

I watched as she wrapped one arm around her chest, as if she was holding herself together. I swallowed.

"Why?" She whispered, acid leaking into her voice.

"Why what?"

"Why does it matter?" She said, her voice breaking. A tear rolled down her cheek. She wiped her hand underneath her eye. That made me furious. Not furious with her, I don't even think I could be furious with her right now. Furious with myself. I hated myself.

"Why does it matter?" I said, my voice raising. I stopped, trying to make my voice calm. I slid off the bed and bent down in front of her. I put one finger under her chin and pulled it up so her face was inches away from mine. "Bella, of course it matters. Why wouldn't it matter if you _died_?"

"No, why does it matter to _you?_" She turned her head, and I dropped my hand, shocked.

"Bella, I don't know what you mean."

"Why do you care?" She said, starting to cry again. "You don't. . love me." She sobbed.

"Bella," I said, sitting back on the bed. "Of course I love you. Bella, how could you think that?"

"In the forest, you said. . " She murmured.

"Bella, In the forest, I didn't mean any of that. I had to. You never would have let me go. I had to make you believe the most ridiculous, absurd concept, that I didn't love you. Bella, I never stopped loving you, and I never will stop loving you. Every second you were gone, I couldn't stop thinking about you. Your face was always there in my mind, and it tore me apart, knowing you were here, thinking that I didn't love you." I explained, trying to get her to understand the one thing in my life that would always be true, the one concept that had changed my life forever, from the moment I realized it was true. "Bella, I love you."

She started shaking her head. "No." She didn't believe me.

"Bella, how could you think that I don't love you? You still don't believe me, do you? After all the times I have said I love you, how could one word break your trust in me? Bella, I love you. I have always loved you, I will always love you, and. ." I stopped. "I'm sorry."

I waited, and leaned in so her face was an inch away. She looked at me. "I am sorry." I breathed. I leaned in and she turned away. Rejection washed through me. Then, I realized the truth. The awful truth. I was too late. She had moved on.

"It's already too late." I mumbled, barely able to talk. I stared at my hands, unable to wrap my mind around the concept. This is what I want. I should be glad. She can now live a happy, normal, human life. I couldn't make myself be happy, hard as I tried. I felt empty. I knew this was going to happen. This is what I wanted to happen, I had told myself. Lied to myself. Now that it happened, I couldn't let myself believe it. "Isn't it?" I said, pointlessly. I knew the answer.

"When you leave," She murmured. "It will only hurt that much more."

"I'm not leaving again. Didn't you hear what I said? I _can't_ leave again. Do you. ." I swallowed hard. "Want me to leave?"

She didn't answer. "Bella, I know I have no right to ask this, but after everything I have put you through, everything I have done, everything I have said, do you still love me?"

"What kind of stupid question is that?"

"Bella, please."

"Of course I still love you. I never stopped loving you. And there's nothing you can do about it." She said. The words were like a life vest, holding me above the water. Like I was finally able to breath, after so long.

"That's all I needed to know." I murmured, and pressed my lips gently to hers. At that moment, everything felt perfect. As if I had never left. I was never leaving. I was here, and Bella loved me. There was no other word for it. I was happy.

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**THE END.**

**DId you like it?? Review!**

**THe story is over, sad. :(  Review and tell me what you thought! **

**_mRs-cuLLeNxxx_**


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